“This is an American airline, may I help you?” “Hi, I’m calling to book a flight to St. Petersburg, Florida.” “Have you tried our online reservation system?” “No ma’am, it’s confusing to me.” “It’s confusing to everyone. (Deep Sigh) Okay. Where do you want to leave from?” “Chicago O’Hare, please.” “We have a nonstop flight…
A Special Third Date
INTERIOR: A nice restaurant. A waiter seats a young man and woman – John and Susan – at a table. Waiter: “I’ll be right back to get your drink order.” Susan: “This is a nice restaurant, John.” John: “It sure is. It’s great for special occasions.” Susan: “Is this a special occasion?” John: “It’s our…
Carp Diem and Other News in Your Briefs
The man who led the opposition to Vladimir Putin in Russia, Alexei Navalny, has died in prison. He was 47 years old. Let’s face it, if you are called Putin’s opposition leader, your career is as short as the guy who is declared the World’s Oldest Man. A company called “Intuitive Machines” has launched a…
GOP Gives House Speaker Candidates a Multiple Choice Test
WASHINGTON (Surely You Jest News) — In an effort to narrow the list of candidates for Speaker of the House, Republicans are giving the nine current candidates a multiple-choice test this afternoon. A copy of the test has been provided to Surely You Jest by an anonymous source. We confirmed the test’s authenticity because some…
Jardiance Commercial Overload and Other Random Thoughts
The CDC has released a consumer health warning. Your chances of suicide increase in direct proportion to the number of times you see the Jardiance commercial each day. Studies of 1,000 men between the ages of 18 and 70 show 70% of men in this age group who are exposed to the Jardiance commercial suffer…
Scientist Who Created Viagra Has Died and Other News
Ferid Murad, a scientist whose discovery involving nitrous oxide led to the development of Viagra has died at age 86. He is a stiff. In Murad’s honor, President Biden has ordered flags to be flown at full mast. Alcoholics worldwide are toasting Murad tonight with a stiff drink. In other news, Pope Francis has issued…
Memories of the Colonel and Other Random Thoughts
I saw a friend who went to his Catholic church for mass on Ash Wednesday and he came back to work with a black smudge of ash on his forehead. He asked if I was going to do that and I said, “No, I’m not insane.” I’m from Kentucky, so I still mourn the death…
There is a Metaphysical Boutique in My Neighborhood
When I wrote this, I heard Steven Wright in my head. There is a Metaphysical Boutique in my neighborhood. One of my friends went. He said it was an out-of-body experience. I went inside. But who is the “I” that went inside? I looked around the store. They had metaphysical products out the yin-yang….
God’s Marketing Team and a Rebranding Campaign
Transcript from God’s Marketing Team at Jehovah & Associates Ad Agency – Brainstorming Session Committee Members: Michael, the Archangel (Marketing Director) Gabriel (PR Manager) Raphael (Creative Director) Uriel (Data Analyst) Meeting Transcript: Michael: “Look, guys, our Client has a PR problem on his hands. The polls show His approval rating is dropping fast.” Raphael: “What…
Iowa’s New State Slogan
Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds, a former Trump fan and now in love with Ron DeSantis and his War on Woke, has unveiled a new Iowa state slogan. Gov. Reynolds signed an abortion ban last week. She has also passed bills targeting trans people and she has shifted public funding to religious schools, in the name…